Wow, I feel like such a jerk

So, for a while I haven’t been interested in anyone. In actuality it just takes me quite a while to start liking someone, and I haven’t had the opportunity to do so. Anyway, yesterday I got set up on a date. I had met him once before but I didn’t really remember him. My friend told me that he was super cute, went on a mission, was a great guy…blah de blah. Anyway, we went on a group date and had root beer floats, just hung out and watched a movie. Well the beginning was going pretty well. I wasn’t really attracted to him, but he was a nice guy and taller than me so I thought “whatever, we’ll see how things go.” We had a lot of fun just hanging out on some swings and talking for about an hour or so before the movie. He seemed pretty cool. We go in for the movie and he asks where we should sit – at this point I realize he wants to cuddle, but I have no clue what to do. It’s been a really long time since I’ve done anything like that. Anyway he goes to sit by me and he practically sits on me and puts his arm around me. I’m not really interested in cuddling with him, but I don’t know what to do or how to get out of it without it being weird or awkward. Well, we cuddle the whole movie – in fact I fell asleep a couple times and somehow seemed to be getting closer and closer to him. I honestly didn’t know what to do – I wasn't really interested in him, but whatever – I thought “Well people cuddle all the time together and it doesn’t need to mean anything.” But I felt kind of like a jerk. Anyway, what was weirder was that the other couples (there were 2 others) all were folding their arms and being really stiff for the whole movie. …Wish I had done that.

After the movie, he takes me home. I can tell he’s feeling a lot more into me than I am into him. He held my hand the entire movie, and on the drive home kept his hand on my thigh-which I maneuvered by just holding his hand rather than having it sit on my thigh – it felt weird. On the drive back to my place he mentions he didn’t go on a mission, but had a “mission of my own.” I was just thinking, “What?! What the heck does that mean?” So I ask him, and he tells me he actually spent a few months in jail. In my head I’m thinking ‘oh my gosh. What the heck did he do? I’m out with pretty much one of my clients. Great…’ Out loud I try and be sensitive and kind so I say, “Well that really bites, if you don’t mind may I ask what happened?” He responds “Well there were a few things, and a few different times I went –I stole a lot of stuff for a while and there was other stuff. But this was 7 years ago and I’m actually getting it expunged in two weeks.” Me: “Oh that’s so great. It’s so hard to get past stuff like that.” I then proceed to change the subject and he is squeezing my hand and looking at me like I’m the shiz. Which admittedly I am, but I had no clue what to do. I just keep thinking, I can’t date this guy. I really don't like bad boys - I like clean cut nice, fun boys. How can I discourage him? …

Well onto the doorstep scene. I felt super weird about this, because I could tell he wanted to kiss me. He goes in for it, and instead of allowing him to kiss me I turn it into a hug and then go inside-as I walk in he asks when we can hang out again, and I tell him I will be going out of town this weekend, so I don’t know. He then says “Well call me when you get back.” Me: “Okay.” In my head: ‘Oh gosh, no way. If he wants to hang out he can call me, and even then I don’t know what to do.’

After he leaves he immediately starts texting me saying he had such a great time and can’t wait to do it again. He then says “I really enjoyed having you fall asleep on me.” I tried to laugh it off – cause I really didn’t mean to and said “Well I’m glad I didn’t slobber on you!” He then texts me, and this is so sketch, “Too bad you’re not sleeping in my arms the rest of the night.” AGH!!! I again try and laugh it off saying “Wow. You’re such a flirt! Anyway I’m going to bed. I have to work early in the morning – good night” He replies: “Sorry, that was cheesy. Have a good night”
It is my firm belief that boys are weird. What was he thinking?

Anyway I now feel like a big jerk – I know I shouldn’t. It must be hard not to like someone as awesome and hot as myself. ;) I feel like I’ve led him on big time. Again, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write about this on my blog, but I haven’t had anyone to really talk to about it, and I just needed to get it off my chest. So yeah…my life.