I know that this is a very immature way to act, but I really just want to run away from my problems and pretend they don't exist. I'm very happy living in that fantasy. I feel carefree and generally happy. Even though at the back of my mind I know it won't last. Anyway what I'm talking about generally concerns two things: 1. My "identity" crisis and 2. The future.
I like to think these are two things that will generally cause most people to want to run screaming in frustration in the opposite direction. Apparently every week I get more and more notices that I have "failed to make a payment" or some such crud like that. It's getting depressing. I really wish there weren't people out there who stole others' identities and ruined lives. I really, really, really hate them. In the next life they will wish they never messed with me.
Secondly, as I'm sure you all know I don't like my job. It's depressing, annoying, uncomfortable and pays close to nothing. I did not think that life after college was going to be like this. Not that I had ever thought much about life AFTER college. My whole life I spent worrying about getting into college and then once in college trying to graduate. I never really thought about what EXACTLY was going to happen once I graduated. Now I'm here...crap. I would love to quit and live a carefree lifestyle somewhere and just get away. It's unfortunate that that cannot happen. If only I could find some filthy rich long lost great uncle who has secretly watched me grow up and when he dies will leave me all of his belongings so I could do whatever I want (and of course he will not notice that I have 4 brothers whom I could share this fabulous fortune with). Anyway I don't generally spend time on what if's and fairy tales. I do something probably almost as bad. I read...all the time when I'm not working, sleeping or hanging out with friends. I read to get away from my life to be transported into someone else's life that will most likely end up with everything working perfectly and wrapped good, safe and tight.
Anywho, I'm excited to be coming to California in a couple weeks! I'm taking off a week of work and am so excited to be getting out of Utah. Which has had the weirdest weather-rain multiple times a week for almost two months! Crazy. Anyway I'm also burned out. I need a breather. Sigh...inhale...(pause)...exhale...(shake head in a pathetic, yet understanding way). Well I guess that's as good of a breather as I will get for two weeks.
3 comments:
find a super rich dude
It sounds like you need to get a job where you do reading all day. Maybe you should start canvasing publishing houses looking for a job?
run away from your problems....no take the what about bob route. 'I prescribe a vacation from your problems.' ..and thats what you're doing. I can hardly wait.
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